Ablaze

I woke up today to spring birds singing, Oxford University students walking in and out of Pembroke College and cars searching for a parking spot, jolting over the cobble stones in front of our house. What a difference to the Ugandan morning song of the past two weeks - the NAREC girls praising God during their 'morning glory' at 5am (and eerily dragging my consciousness out of the dreamlands) and then getting ready for school, birds with much shriller, sharper calls, and boda bodas and lorries racing past the compound as the sun's heat slowly claimed every inch of sky.
The 12 500km flight back to England went fine, but my mind is still wandering round the streets and alleys of Kampala and hasn't quite arrived in Great Britain yet. What an inspiring, challenging, exciting and beautiful two weeks they have been! My horizon has exploded, and I am praying that it won't stop - that by re-living, thinking and interpreting what I have seen it will continue to expand on each side like stones catapulted by a sling. A two week window is not very much - and yet those glimpses of places, people and situations shine bright and won't be dimmed for a long time. I really want to see more of what God is doing in and through all of this. I am not praying for the confusion, challenge and discomfort of some of the situations to go away - I am praying for them to last, so that I seek God more and eventually gain His perspective on His world.
I have always been slightly condescending - perhaps proudly so - of people who went to Africa to help 'poor little African children' (often resulting in facebook profile pictures of them surrounded by cute little slum kids), without seeming to have much of an idea of the bigger picture of the government, economy, history and international relations they are involved in. I admit that my attitude is very much conditioned by studying postcolonial literature and theory for my degree, and even though a lot of their thought helpfully puts the Western mind into much needed boundaries, I still need some God-purification of the things I've learnt. I can't claim that I myself have a sufficient and above all, godly, understanding of the 'big picture'. All I do is working on what questions to ask, and I could do with some input and correction here.
That said, it still makes me flinch when I see Westerners go to 'Africa' (or any other formerly colonised place, for that matter) to 'help', or to 'go on mission', mostly because I am aware of the unquestioned mindset of some of them. Many have no idea that their derivation and inbred view of the place they go to have massive implications on the mission they are trying to do. Being pointed out as 'mzungu' over he last couple of weeks wherever I went was really strange, as it immediately brought back the centuries of patronisation of the North over the South, which sadly in many, more subtle ways, is still ongoing. And I'm certain I've missed some of the other connotations the word 'mzungu' implies...
This was also highlighted when I told people in Uganda about my friend who did her research there, for which I usually met a not very enthusiastic, maybe even defensive, reply. "So she knows more about our country than we do?" I find this interesting because I myself am thrilled when people do research in Germany - it presents new perspectives to my own understanding of my country, and I do feel that I as a German have the power to suggest areas of interest, my own corrections and examples to whatever they are researching. This is just a small instance, but again points out some of the unhealed relations of the world we live in.
If nations were people (and that's what they ultimately are, as they are made up and ruled by them) and we look at our history, this reaction is very understandable. And if nations were people, it is also only natural and essential that those who are in a better position (however they got there in the first place), and they realise others are less advantaged, go and share what they have. I leave this vague, as "better position" and "less advantaged" needs some explanation and is very much subjective. It is a good reflex to help and share when we can; what I question is whether we need to think more about what would actually be helpful.
Again, as a German I have been brought up with efforts over efforts of reconciliation with the Jews on whom horrendous suffering was inflicted during the Second World War. This makes me wonder how much reconciliation still needs to happen for the ugly sides of the colonial entreprise of my nation (which was moved slightly into the background), and those of the British Empire... I believe that for the Kingdom of our risen Lord to come, deep reconciliation needs to happen, on every scale possible. I wonder what our part is in this...
What I loved about our trip to Uganda is that we could join in with what God and the church are already doing. I can only speak for 'my side', but I have certainly profited from being able to surrender to the plans of our Ugandan friends and leader, of going along and doing things 'their way'. I learnt so much by doing so. Maybe there is even a glimpse of redemption in this.
And despite all the 'big picture talk', I found that actually meeting, praying for and giving hope to individuals is a way towards relieving situations that are not right. Apart from striving to understand the international relations that I am ensnared in and working out the consequences of my decisions within them, this is what I actually can do for my brothers and sisters, no matter where I come from.
It has become so clear that as people from different places (history aside) we can inspire, teach and challenge each other, and I believe we and our church in England and Germany would definately profit from a team of Ugandans visiting and joining in with what God is doing here, and offering their perspective on it all...
God rightfully demands our all - and I'm learning that this includes history, attitudes, mindsets, motivations, identity, power. May He continue to do His work in us...