Only a while ago He told me, "Later I will teach you to swim."
I am swimming - o what grace!
Samstag, 28. April 2012
Donnerstag, 26. April 2012
When God Dreams
"You are dreaming about me, Lord?!" - "Yes! Every day!"
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"I have a dream that my daughter will know where I was in every single situation of her life. I have a dream that she knows what she can do, and still walk closely by my side, because she is just so happy to be near me.
I have a dream that she will know with every single brain cell and every heartbeat and into the deepest crevices of her soul that I will not leave her. Ever. My being is more tightly bound to hers than any other could ever be. I have shown her this already when I laid down my life, so she might live.
I have a dream that she will assume the authority that is rightly hers as my daughter. I dream that she will step out in the strength and boldness and dignity, that like Moses she will stretch out her hand and call forth whatever I lead her to - water, bread, peace - in the name of Jesus, her Lord.
I have a dream that her heart will be continually open for me to fill, and that her eyes will light up whenever she hears my silent whisper and gentle prompting. I do not want to shout at her. I love the quiet voice.
I have a dream that she will follow the plan for her life that I have crafted and designed so carefully, and go to the places I have appointed for her, because I cannot wait to see her face when she meets me there!
Mittwoch, 25. April 2012
Disturb me!
"Disturb me, Lord, when my dreams come true, only because I dreamt too small. Disturb me when I arrive safely, only because I sailed too close to the shore. Disturb me when things I've gained cause me to lose my thirst for more of you. Disturb me when I've acquired success, only to loose my desire for excellence. Disturb me when I give up too soon and settle too far short of the goals you have set for my life."
- Anonymous
- Anonymous
One of Us
Hebrews 2:10
"For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings."
V 17-18
"Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted."
How amazing - God doesn't just know us and our struggles because He is omniscient and omnipotent in His being God and the Maker of all things; He also knows our struggles because He has limited Himself so much that He became a human being. What power - to be able to freely decrease in it for the sake of saving us undeserving sinners...
"For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings."
V 17-18
"Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted."
How amazing - God doesn't just know us and our struggles because He is omniscient and omnipotent in His being God and the Maker of all things; He also knows our struggles because He has limited Himself so much that He became a human being. What power - to be able to freely decrease in it for the sake of saving us undeserving sinners...
Sonntag, 22. April 2012
modern nomad
I hate to say goodbye. Once I've grown to like a place, or the people in it, I just don't want to face the reality of having to cut the ties, never to return again. So whenever I leave somewhere for some other place, part of me thinks, "Surely I will come back here. This is not goodbye." Which leaves bits of myself all over the place, like a net of home ('Home is where your heart is,' remember?), otherwise - and less sympathetically - called "geographic promiscuity" (http://themodernnomad.tumblr.com/).
I realise these days that I'm not the only one who is not tied to one single place, but with many places called home. Especially in a place like Oxford, which draws people from all over the world and then sends people everywhere for research and conference-hopping and working, all seems to be interconnected, and the strings that tie people to places cross and stretch and knot.
It is certainly true that many people migrate (and never in history have so many people been on the move) for pressing and valid reasons: war, famine, persecution, economic hopelessness. Always searching for places peaceful and prosperous to work and live with hope of a future and the protection of human rights."
(http://www.blackbird.vcu.edu/v6n1/gallery/zakharia_c/nomad.htm)
Fair enough. But what about those who have all these things, and still wander? Part of it is work-related, sure. But what about this extreme group of people, those who choose to give up their wealth to go and live in exotic places (almost a reverse migration), and call themselves 'modern nomads'? What is it within humans that always draws us to explore and claim 'new' territory? Especially entitled by an 'old' name? This is almost a neocolonial movement - the desire for the foreign exotic that leads those from welathy nations to 'nomadically' move around, learning and appropriating and influencing, and tieing places together that have never been connected before.
And yet they will never be fulfilled. This desire of people to conquer has led people to the moon and the universe, and still we have not found that place called home. Tolkien famously said, "Not all who wander are lost." But as long as we are searching this world for our ultimate home, we will be - no matter how tight the net is knit. Only when we set our hearts to a Kingdom that is not from this world, will we ever be free from our many ties to places; our ultimate home is Jesus in us, and eventually life eternal in Him.
Freitag, 20. April 2012
Peace All Over
"He calls us to such conscious realisation of His presence that trust becomes as natural an instinct to us as breathing. As Chambers put it, "When you really see Jesus, I defy you to doubt Him. When He says, 'Let not your hearts be troubled,' if you see Him I defy you to trouble your mind, it's a moral impossibility to doubt when he's there. Every time you get into personal contact with Jesus, his words are real. 'My peace I give you,' it's a peace all over from the crown of the head to the sole of the feet, an irrepressable confidence. 'Your life is hid with Christ in God,' and the imperturbable peace of Jesus is imparted to you." Such trust results in an inner peace that defies personal circumstances and trials. Whatever life throws at us, we know Jesus is bigger. Even in death, he gives us total assurance and confidence to trust Him and stand firm till the end."
- Simon Guillebaud in: 'More than Conquerors. A Call to Radical Discipleship.'
- Simon Guillebaud in: 'More than Conquerors. A Call to Radical Discipleship.'
Sonntag, 15. April 2012
Ablaze
I woke up today to spring birds singing, Oxford University students walking in and out of Pembroke College and cars searching for a parking spot, jolting over the cobble stones in front of our house. What a difference to the Ugandan morning song of the past two weeks - the NAREC girls praising God during their 'morning glory' at 5am (and eerily dragging my consciousness out of the dreamlands) and then getting ready for school, birds with much shriller, sharper calls, and boda bodas and lorries racing past the compound as the sun's heat slowly claimed every inch of sky.
The 12 500km flight back to England went fine, but my mind is still wandering round the streets and alleys of Kampala and hasn't quite arrived in Great Britain yet. What an inspiring, challenging, exciting and beautiful two weeks they have been! My horizon has exploded, and I am praying that it won't stop - that by re-living, thinking and interpreting what I have seen it will continue to expand on each side like stones catapulted by a sling. A two week window is not very much - and yet those glimpses of places, people and situations shine bright and won't be dimmed for a long time. I really want to see more of what God is doing in and through all of this. I am not praying for the confusion, challenge and discomfort of some of the situations to go away - I am praying for them to last, so that I seek God more and eventually gain His perspective on His world.
I have always been slightly condescending - perhaps proudly so - of people who went to Africa to help 'poor little African children' (often resulting in facebook profile pictures of them surrounded by cute little slum kids), without seeming to have much of an idea of the bigger picture of the government, economy, history and international relations they are involved in. I admit that my attitude is very much conditioned by studying postcolonial literature and theory for my degree, and even though a lot of their thought helpfully puts the Western mind into much needed boundaries, I still need some God-purification of the things I've learnt. I can't claim that I myself have a sufficient and above all, godly, understanding of the 'big picture'. All I do is working on what questions to ask, and I could do with some input and correction here.
That said, it still makes me flinch when I see Westerners go to 'Africa' (or any other formerly colonised place, for that matter) to 'help', or to 'go on mission', mostly because I am aware of the unquestioned mindset of some of them. Many have no idea that their derivation and inbred view of the place they go to have massive implications on the mission they are trying to do. Being pointed out as 'mzungu' over he last couple of weeks wherever I went was really strange, as it immediately brought back the centuries of patronisation of the North over the South, which sadly in many, more subtle ways, is still ongoing. And I'm certain I've missed some of the other connotations the word 'mzungu' implies...
This was also highlighted when I told people in Uganda about my friend who did her research there, for which I usually met a not very enthusiastic, maybe even defensive, reply. "So she knows more about our country than we do?" I find this interesting because I myself am thrilled when people do research in Germany - it presents new perspectives to my own understanding of my country, and I do feel that I as a German have the power to suggest areas of interest, my own corrections and examples to whatever they are researching. This is just a small instance, but again points out some of the unhealed relations of the world we live in.
If nations were people (and that's what they ultimately are, as they are made up and ruled by them) and we look at our history, this reaction is very understandable. And if nations were people, it is also only natural and essential that those who are in a better position (however they got there in the first place), and they realise others are less advantaged, go and share what they have. I leave this vague, as "better position" and "less advantaged" needs some explanation and is very much subjective. It is a good reflex to help and share when we can; what I question is whether we need to think more about what would actually be helpful.
Again, as a German I have been brought up with efforts over efforts of reconciliation with the Jews on whom horrendous suffering was inflicted during the Second World War. This makes me wonder how much reconciliation still needs to happen for the ugly sides of the colonial entreprise of my nation (which was moved slightly into the background), and those of the British Empire... I believe that for the Kingdom of our risen Lord to come, deep reconciliation needs to happen, on every scale possible. I wonder what our part is in this...
What I loved about our trip to Uganda is that we could join in with what God and the church are already doing. I can only speak for 'my side', but I have certainly profited from being able to surrender to the plans of our Ugandan friends and leader, of going along and doing things 'their way'. I learnt so much by doing so. Maybe there is even a glimpse of redemption in this.
And despite all the 'big picture talk', I found that actually meeting, praying for and giving hope to individuals is a way towards relieving situations that are not right. Apart from striving to understand the international relations that I am ensnared in and working out the consequences of my decisions within them, this is what I actually can do for my brothers and sisters, no matter where I come from.
It has become so clear that as people from different places (history aside) we can inspire, teach and challenge each other, and I believe we and our church in England and Germany would definately profit from a team of Ugandans visiting and joining in with what God is doing here, and offering their perspective on it all...
God rightfully demands our all - and I'm learning that this includes history, attitudes, mindsets, motivations, identity, power. May He continue to do His work in us...
The 12 500km flight back to England went fine, but my mind is still wandering round the streets and alleys of Kampala and hasn't quite arrived in Great Britain yet. What an inspiring, challenging, exciting and beautiful two weeks they have been! My horizon has exploded, and I am praying that it won't stop - that by re-living, thinking and interpreting what I have seen it will continue to expand on each side like stones catapulted by a sling. A two week window is not very much - and yet those glimpses of places, people and situations shine bright and won't be dimmed for a long time. I really want to see more of what God is doing in and through all of this. I am not praying for the confusion, challenge and discomfort of some of the situations to go away - I am praying for them to last, so that I seek God more and eventually gain His perspective on His world.
I have always been slightly condescending - perhaps proudly so - of people who went to Africa to help 'poor little African children' (often resulting in facebook profile pictures of them surrounded by cute little slum kids), without seeming to have much of an idea of the bigger picture of the government, economy, history and international relations they are involved in. I admit that my attitude is very much conditioned by studying postcolonial literature and theory for my degree, and even though a lot of their thought helpfully puts the Western mind into much needed boundaries, I still need some God-purification of the things I've learnt. I can't claim that I myself have a sufficient and above all, godly, understanding of the 'big picture'. All I do is working on what questions to ask, and I could do with some input and correction here.
That said, it still makes me flinch when I see Westerners go to 'Africa' (or any other formerly colonised place, for that matter) to 'help', or to 'go on mission', mostly because I am aware of the unquestioned mindset of some of them. Many have no idea that their derivation and inbred view of the place they go to have massive implications on the mission they are trying to do. Being pointed out as 'mzungu' over he last couple of weeks wherever I went was really strange, as it immediately brought back the centuries of patronisation of the North over the South, which sadly in many, more subtle ways, is still ongoing. And I'm certain I've missed some of the other connotations the word 'mzungu' implies...
This was also highlighted when I told people in Uganda about my friend who did her research there, for which I usually met a not very enthusiastic, maybe even defensive, reply. "So she knows more about our country than we do?" I find this interesting because I myself am thrilled when people do research in Germany - it presents new perspectives to my own understanding of my country, and I do feel that I as a German have the power to suggest areas of interest, my own corrections and examples to whatever they are researching. This is just a small instance, but again points out some of the unhealed relations of the world we live in.
If nations were people (and that's what they ultimately are, as they are made up and ruled by them) and we look at our history, this reaction is very understandable. And if nations were people, it is also only natural and essential that those who are in a better position (however they got there in the first place), and they realise others are less advantaged, go and share what they have. I leave this vague, as "better position" and "less advantaged" needs some explanation and is very much subjective. It is a good reflex to help and share when we can; what I question is whether we need to think more about what would actually be helpful.
Again, as a German I have been brought up with efforts over efforts of reconciliation with the Jews on whom horrendous suffering was inflicted during the Second World War. This makes me wonder how much reconciliation still needs to happen for the ugly sides of the colonial entreprise of my nation (which was moved slightly into the background), and those of the British Empire... I believe that for the Kingdom of our risen Lord to come, deep reconciliation needs to happen, on every scale possible. I wonder what our part is in this...
What I loved about our trip to Uganda is that we could join in with what God and the church are already doing. I can only speak for 'my side', but I have certainly profited from being able to surrender to the plans of our Ugandan friends and leader, of going along and doing things 'their way'. I learnt so much by doing so. Maybe there is even a glimpse of redemption in this.
And despite all the 'big picture talk', I found that actually meeting, praying for and giving hope to individuals is a way towards relieving situations that are not right. Apart from striving to understand the international relations that I am ensnared in and working out the consequences of my decisions within them, this is what I actually can do for my brothers and sisters, no matter where I come from.
It has become so clear that as people from different places (history aside) we can inspire, teach and challenge each other, and I believe we and our church in England and Germany would definately profit from a team of Ugandans visiting and joining in with what God is doing here, and offering their perspective on it all...
God rightfully demands our all - and I'm learning that this includes history, attitudes, mindsets, motivations, identity, power. May He continue to do His work in us...
Freitag, 13. April 2012
air port
A port of air. Taken from places all over the world, carried in the lungs of passengers going here and there and then mingling, only to be taken in again and carried on. Any goods to declare? A few particles of air from Karachi, from Buenos Aires (hope it's good), and from some unkown sources I cannot track down. Oh, and then someone sneezed on me - he sounded Swiss, but I'm not quite certain.
Airports are strange. So many barriers are crumbling in these few hundred square metres of internationality. Even though airports are built right at the heart of a nation (most of the time), they do not really belong, they are spaces of their own. Most people don't really want to be there anyway, especially if they are only in transfer. This bit of earth is only a chair to sit down on until that next aircraft carries you to another place, it doesn't matter whether it is in Yemen or Argentina or the Philippines. It is always day at an airport wherever it is, and yet for some people it is 3am in the morning, for others 2pm in the afternoon. Body clocks tick very differently here. It is a space filled with empty hours of waiting, with goodbyes and expectations sloshing in from either side. And it's all about mingling and meeting and crashing, air and languages and world views and consumption and culture. My own little identity is in the midst of this, gaping and wondering at all these possibilities.
* Thoughts from Doha, Qatar, when my body clock told me it was about time to switch my brain off and sleep...
Airports are strange. So many barriers are crumbling in these few hundred square metres of internationality. Even though airports are built right at the heart of a nation (most of the time), they do not really belong, they are spaces of their own. Most people don't really want to be there anyway, especially if they are only in transfer. This bit of earth is only a chair to sit down on until that next aircraft carries you to another place, it doesn't matter whether it is in Yemen or Argentina or the Philippines. It is always day at an airport wherever it is, and yet for some people it is 3am in the morning, for others 2pm in the afternoon. Body clocks tick very differently here. It is a space filled with empty hours of waiting, with goodbyes and expectations sloshing in from either side. And it's all about mingling and meeting and crashing, air and languages and world views and consumption and culture. My own little identity is in the midst of this, gaping and wondering at all these possibilities.
* Thoughts from Doha, Qatar, when my body clock told me it was about time to switch my brain off and sleep...
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